Why We Created Parents Are OK

• How do you care for an aging parent without being overwhelmed?

• How do you monitor an aging parent without making them feel controlled?

• How do you keep track of an aging parent and respect their independence and dignity?

I’ve been tossing these questions around in my head for the past six years.

When the pandemic isolation started, I called my parents, told them to prepare their luggage for a longer stay, and we went to pick them up, while we were still allowed to travel. They lived with us: me, my husband, and our son, for one year, until we could move them back.

It was a year of connection, togetherness, family, making the best out of a difficult situation, and helping each other. And it was alright. It was alright because we knew it was temporary.

It was also a time when I realized how their health had deteriorated. I’ve known, in my mind, that my parents were getting older, but it was a concept from afar, not a daily reality. With them so close, I slowly took over. Started taking them to medical check-ups, realigning their medication, influencing their routines, and giving lifestyle and health advice. My father had mobility issues and spent almost all his time in bed; my mother was already showing early signs of dementia. My life balance started to suffer, but I was convinced I needed to help them, for my own peace of mind.

So, back to my question:

How do you care for an aging parent without being overwhelmed?

We all struggle with this concept of balance. Jobs, businesses, finances, love, children, friends, extended family, self-care, health, sports, nutrition, personal development, errands, chores, fun, recreation, contribution. Fit them all in one day and do it with a smile! Or find your peace with just some of them. With: just some of the time. With: from the distance.

For the past six years, we have gone through all kinds of different stages: lots of phone calls, visits, longer stays, moving them to the same city to be closer to us, sending care packages, employing occasional help for home maintenance, and employing daily part-time care. Managing everything almost became a second job. But the hardest part was not only practical, it was emotional.

How do you monitor an aging parent without making them feel controlled?

Because of my mom’s dementia, we started discussing solutions. Should we install surveillance cameras? Should we give her a wearable device? Should we follow her on a map? Should we keep on calling when we are worried?

I did not want to control what my elderly parents were allowed to do, censor their choices, invade their privacy, interrogate them, or have them followed.

But peace of mind is a need. When you know you have elderly parents, silence is not always peaceful. If they do not call or answer the phone, your mind starts building scenarios: maybe they are busy, maybe they are asleep, maybe the phone is in another room, maybe they forgot to charge it. Or maybe something is wrong.

You just need a sign, a discreet sign, that everyday life is still happening.

So, how do you keep track of an aging parent and respect their independence and dignity?

I started to build a framework in my mind:

• When love is a factor, how do I set the limit? By caring enough to protect, but wisely enough not to lose myself. Helping the way I can, even if it’s not always the way it’s expected.
• When empathy is a factor, how do I keep their dignity? By offering support for new and changing needs, without turning care into control.
• When respect is a factor, how should I treat them? By helping, while still seeing them as the adults and the parents they have always been. By not reversing the roles.
• When everyday life becomes challenging, how do I intervene without making it harder? By gradually adding only the support they need, without asking them to change their lives.

Like many other families, we started our own search for the best solutions to reduce uncertainty. Some elderly monitor apps rely on GPS, cameras, wearables, or constant tracking. Other apps require the parent to press a daily check-in button, which creates another task for the senior to remember and another source of worry for the family when they forget.

My husband lived this whole experience with me. He was side by side with me through the worry, the calls, the planning, the guilt, the exhaustion, and the constant search for a respectful balance.

He had his own share of vulnerable family members. He started thinking of his own mother getting older. And started to understand the need for something more discreet: a passive monitoring solution for an elderly parent that does not ask them to change their life. That is why he created Parents Are OK.

What is Parents are OK?

Parents Are OK is an elderly inactivity-alert app designed for caregivers and families who want subtle reassurance. It is an app that notifies you if the phone is not used for over 24 hours. It does not use GPS tracking and does not share location. It does not use cameras. It does not ask the parent to press a daily check-in button. It simply notices whether the phone was used and alerts the family if there was no activity for a full day.

That one signal can be enough to reassure you.

But keep in mind: It is not an emergency service. It cannot replace caregivers, doctors, assisted living staff, or family visits. And it is not meant to watch or report every movement.

It is designed to answer one simple question: Was my parent active today? It only creates worry when something seems out of the ordinary. When silence might require attention. For us, this app came from real life. It came from six years of trying to care well, without being intrusive.

But we are all different in this world. And you have your own story.

So, I leave you with this question: What kind of care would let you worry less?

Talk soon,
Ioana